I was sitting there reading the newspaper two days ago around 5:15 pm. The school day had ended, tennis practice had concluded, and at last I had a moment to myself. So I was grabbing a bite to eat and communing with the newspaper.
And then I saw a former student of mine entering the restaurant. He is now a Captain in the Ventura County Fire Department, and he was followed by another former student also working serving in the VCFD. We talked animatedly for a few minutes. They were both now married and had young baby daughters at home. I remembered them back in high school, and they were impressive enough back then. But they were also teenage boys, and there were involved in more than a few shenanigans – moments of embarrassing immaturity and unwisdom which they themselves would be eager to bury and forget.
But now they are all grown up. And they are impressive. I watched my former students in their heavy fire department garb, with expensive radios on their belts, and VCFD hats on their heads — and I felt proud to have been part of their lives. They were full-grown men. Husbands, fathers, taxpayers, firefighters, friends – fully launched into the world. Their parents take most of the credit for this outcome, as do these young men themselves – who must be approaching their mid-thirties by now – but I take a bit of credit myself, a little bit.
It is all a bit mind-blowing. I have these guys in my frame of reference from when they were 17-years old, when I got to know them so well. We spent hour after hour together over weeks and months; most of them I had in my class for junior and senior year. They were not yet quite “men” in those days, by any measure. But now they are, in some ways and in some instances, much more capable than I am. I think about these young men – Kyle Tong, Connor Fenwick, Colin O’Neil, Ryan Maher – and I am a bit in awe. Their wives and infant daughters rely on them, and their employers, too, and that faith is not misplaced. They are capable. They are “men” worthy of the name. Wow! What a privilege it was to have been their teacher, or to have been a part of their lives at all. One of these former-students-turned-firefighters later texted me a recent photo of him and his friend (both former students) holding their newborn baby daughters, and I was so amazed you could have knocked me over with a feather. “Holy cow, look at that!”
So the world turns and the years pass. Young people become older, more developed versions of what they had been when they were younger.
Truth be told, the process goes both ways. There were students in my classes who were troubled then and have gotten worse, not better, over time. I know several who have committed suicide. On the other hand, I have encountered outstanding high school students who, if the job market was fair, would be worth $100,000 per year to any employer. They have excellent people skills, are smart as hell, and would add value to any organization they are part of. But there were students I also encountered as a teacher who were so immature, irresponsible, lazy, and annoying that they weren’t worthy of being hired at Burger King for minimum wage. And it likely won’t get better for them over time. Any school superintendent who tells you otherwise is lying. “Character is destiny,” claimed Heraclitus. He was right. So many of my former students are their own worst enemies. I am sure if I were to walk through a state prison, there would be some shouts from behind the bars, “Hey, Mr. Geib! How ya doing? Remember me?” So it goes.
So I have had some wonderful students who have gone on to do wonderful things with their lives. (Micaela Ryan Shaw, Kyle Duff, Leslie Tong, Chad Hollowed, Natalie Smith, Adan Jimenez, Ian Mariani, Daniela Helfet Cooper, Aria Bauman, Jack Vielbig – here’s looking at you!) Many have gone on to enjoy professional success as doctors, lawyers, professors, you-name-it, etc. I am often amazed at the fascinating and unusual paths my students tread towards distinction after they leave my class. But I also have had students that were real losers who, for various and complicated reasons, have gone the exact opposite way. I guess I should expect this? Could it be otherwise? When a teacher has thousands of students over several decades, he is going to have a little bit of this and a little bit of that. One of the great things about being a teacher is you come into contact with so many different kids from so many different families that you get a good look at all of humanity – the good, the bad, and the ugly. So it goes.
Again, the whole process leaves me a bit in awe. I look back and it has been quite the pageant.
I know certain of my old teachers and coaches have told me the same: “I am proud of the man you have become, Richard.” Should they be proud? Well, I have made a life for myself, but I am far from having it figured out. There is no aspect of my life which, if I am proud of, I don’t have reservations about. I am as flawed as anyone else. I would put myself forth as a paragon of nothing. There are days I am barely holding on by my fingertips. I know there will be times when Kyle, Connor, Ryan, and Colin feel the same. They will find a way, too.
I don’t want to leave this earth trumpeting “the joy of life,” or showing pride in achievement or endurance or anything else. There is not much pride left, for some reason. I want to leave quietly with humility, taking my hat. Maybe not in triumph, but not in defeat, either. Not prideful, but also not embarrassed or ashamed. I am a man, no more and no less. I will look Death fully in the face. No apologies.
So one generation leaves off for another.
And I will take my leave.
29 years on the job as a teacher. 23 years in the same exact classroom. 5 years more until retirement.
I am ready.
I am waiting.
Teacher, coach, husband, father, son, brother, teammate, friend, writer, human.
