Why?
I have no problem with the holidays themselves – Thanksgiving, Christmas, or New Year’s Eve – especially Thanksgiving – I am a fan of that holiday dedicated to appreciating what you have, which everyone can and should celebrate. But Christmas has become so hyped and commercialized that I endure rather than celebrate it. And New Year’s Eve was always overrated as an opportunity to party with friends. I never enjoyed a hard-partying New Year’s Eve staying out late, or the hangover the next morning. But I have enjoyed the past twenty or so New Year’s Eves when I quietly stay at home, think over the past year, and then plan for the future. I write down my resolutions for the new year, go to sleep at a reasonable hour, and wake up refreshed and ready to go the next morning. Hence January 1 is always a good day for me. A new start, a fresh beginning – something we all deserve now and again. But New Year’s Eve itself is overhyped. And Valentine’s Day is even worse.
The reason I dislike the holidays is the same as many others do: the pressure. Pressure leads to stress. Stress is unpleasant.
Family gatherings, family pressure; high expectations, complicated logistics – who is meeting where bringing what and will everybody get along?
My father is always super-relieved when the holidays are over, and he is far from alone.
But my kids get super-excited at the approach of the holidays. Santa Claus! Christmas trees, holiday decorations, and the giving (and receiving!) of gifts. Christmas is a highlight of the year for children. When I was in my twenties there was a spell when my larger family were all adults with no children, and Christmas was a bit of a bore: thank you for that sweater, brother! See you later. But the arrival of the next generation of children brought a new excitement and joy to the holidays. Kids make the holidays, while adults tend to endure them. Waking up Christmas morning to see the gifts under the tree makes for high drama for children. Adults get a vicarious thrill from the joy of watching the sheer joy on the faces of their children on Christmas, but not so much for themselves.
Or at least it is like that for me.
Hah, humbug, Richard?
Maybe.
I pay close attention to the holidays for the sake of my children.
What would I do otherwise? How will I choose to do them when my children are grown?
Do I not really care about family gatherings? About sitting around the Thanksgiving table with extended family and friends?
I do.
Not understand the value of community?
I do.
But there is always that tension: the desire to be part of a group and the community, and the need to be an individual and alone.
I always feel sorry for those poor bastards who have almost no family at all, and spend Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner eating leftover pizza by themselves. But I kind of envy them, too.
How can I make the situation better? How might I render the holidays less stressful and more enjoyable?
Enjoy the fruits of family togetherness without feeling overwhelmed by them?
Where can I locate Aristotle’s “Golden Mean”? Find the happy medium between isolated individualism and overweening communitarianism?
I don’t exactly know.
So I am ambivalent.
And the holidays sort of suck.
But they sort of don’t.
I don’t know.
I’m ambivalent.
THANKSGIVING 2022
CHRISTMAS 2023 : MY BACKYARD
