I am sailing the ship of state through a sea of estrogen.
Or I feel at times like I am swimming in an ocean of estrogen, and I struggle to keep my head above the surface.
Between work and home I am up to my ears in females – teenage girls, in particular.
And this sea I swim in is not always a placid and predictable one. There are sudden emotional storms which produce powerful waves of frustration and angst. I often find myself buffeted by these waves. They wash over me. Sometimes they take me completely by surprise. One moment all is calm. Then the opposite.
In short, “estrogen poisoning” (as one friend laughingly put it) has caused me considerable grief recently. So last Sunday I sat down and completed a CBT Thought Record on this situation. At length I tried to think my way through the problem and seek to ameliorate it.
I have asked friends and acquaintances this question: “Do you have any advice for dealing with hormonal teenage girls? How to help them to regulate their emotional ups and downs better?” They laugh out loud, say they have no answer, but wish me “good luck.”
Alas.
I have been a teacher for 28 years, and you would think I would have figured this out by now. But it is different when the teenagers in question are my own daughters and live under the same roof. Or when I am the coach of an athletic team of high school girls. In the classroom I get a muted version of teenage girl angst. On the competitive field or as a father, I get it much more direct.
Well, what to do?
Congenitally, I am a calm person. I do not enjoy wild swings in mood. I don’t like rollercoasters. And wow can adolescence be a rollercoaster ride, for both girls and boys. The ups and downs can be extreme! It can be disorienting and painful to be around. It is like the air around teeangers is boiling with energy of all sorts; you see them standing around, and anything could happen. It is the opposite of calm.
What to do?
I love my daughters in the throes of adolescence.
But I am also exhausted by them. I am frustrated. Not all the time, by any means. But sometimes. My blood pressure goes up.
A stoic person by nature, I don’t show it much. I’m not a yeller. I am patient. But still. It challenges me.
How can I best be a father, coach, and teacher to them?
What conscious policy should I pursue?
I sat down for a solid hour to think about it. I wrote down my thoughts and feelings. I came up with a policy to pursue:
BE STEADY.
If at times the stormy winds of adolescence toss your daughters here and there, Richard, you will remain steady, trustworthy, predictable, and calm. If they need an anchor, you can be it. If it appears as if the whole world is going crazy, you aren’t. Show good judgment and mature deliberation. You are the adult in the room: live up to that ideal. Day after day without fail. In the good, the bad, and the ugly.
Dear reader, you might respond that this could be easier to say than to do.
True enough.
We shall see.
My older daughter will be in college in three years.
Snap your fingers and it will be here.
Don’t fall down on the job here towards the end, Richard.
Steady as she goes, ship captain. Steady as she goes.
by George Minne
(1891)
