I am the proud owner of a cat.
Our family cat, Dixie, came into our lives some five years ago. It took us some time to find the right family pet, with several misfires before we found Dixie.
My wife and I tried to adopt a cat back in 2004, but it peed all over our apartment and was so disagreeable my wife took it back after a week. (Turned out we adopted the cat of an old girlfriend of mine who had given it up, and so maybe there was a logic to this?)
We had a similar experience with an abandoned dog from Fillmore, California which my wife found at the local animal shelter. That dog was feral, untrusting, and well-nigh untrainable (peeing everywhere); my wife returned the dog to the pound after a few weeks, and whenever I hear about the community of Fillmore I think of that dog. (Yes, my wife is the impetus behind acquiring and getting rid of pets. I’m not.)
She also got a kitten last year to accompany our cat Dixie, but that was a disaster. The second cat had an eye infection and Dixie wanted nothing to do with her; the cats engaged in a prolonged standoff. My wife returned the kitten back to the animal shelter a few weeks later.
These failures notwithstanding, we have Dixie and she has been with us for years. She is a good cat. She has been an important part of our family for years.
Dixie prefers my younger daughter and me over my wife and older daughter. The reason? Because we give Dixie more time, attention, and affection.
But even after years of living with us, I am not sure about certain crucial questions: Does our cat really like us? Or does Dixie only pay attention to us to procure the necessities to survive? More generally, do cats really enjoy the company of humans? Or are we humans a means to an end for cats? I often look at my cat and wonder.
For example, Dixie is all over me in the morning and rubs against my leg. She is hungry and wants me to feed her. So I feed Dixie. She is then more than happy to go hide somewhere, lick her fur, and take a nap. I might not see her again until dinner. Was I pretty much used for food?
It is pretty obvious that dogs like their owners. In fact, a person who does not spend substantial time with their dog and takes it for daily walks is a cruel owner. Dogs are social; they can be needy. But they usually give obvious affection and loyalty to their masters. It is not for no reason dogs are called “man’s best friend.” With cats it is different. They are more independent and less needy than dogs.
But I am unsure cats really like humans very much, unlike dogs.
After living some five years with Dixie, I struggle to understand what she is thinking and/or feeling at any given moment. I look at her and wonder, “What is going on with you? What is your mood? How do you feel about me? About all of us?” The answers to these questions are not obvious.
Dixie often approaches me and lays on her back and stretches full out, offering me her unprotected belly. This is her way of saying, “Scratch me!” I often do. Or she will jump up on my lap and curl up on me with the expectation that I scratch her neck. After five or ten minutes of rubbing her neck and cheek, Dixie will purr herself into perfect contentment, close her eyes in bliss, and fall fast asleep on my lap. You can see her here today after she jumped onto my lap and makes herself comfortable:
– and then this –
– so it goes.
Then 30 minutes later I will enter a room and Dixie will look up at me with alarm. If I walk anywhere near her, she will run away. She seems afraid I will attack her. (“Daddy, was Dixie abused as a kitten? Why is she so afraid?” my daughter asks me.) There is a reason people accuse others of being a “scaredy cat.” I have never given Dixie reason to fear me, but it appears she does. She hides in fear. But given an hour or two of space and she freely will crawl up into my lap. What gives?
Does Dixie trust me to take care of her? Does my cat genuinely enjoy my company?
Or am I just the thing that provides food for her? The object which is warm to sleep on? Which scratches her when there is an itch? Isn’t it true that when cats don’t need humans, they are indifferent to us?
I don’t know. And I have thought long about the answers to these questions.
A buddy tells me he thinks that if cats had fingers instead of claws, they would be flipping us humans off with their middle fingers when our backs are turned. They hold us in contempt, he claimed. I am pretty sure if I was ¼ of my size, my cat Dixie would try to kill and eat me. Cats are hunters/killers. If an 8 pound cat morphed into an 80 pound cat, they would not be rubbing against us begging for food. We would be their food. Of that I’m pretty sure.
I have been so perplexed as to what Dixie our cat thinks and needs that I have researched it on Google. What do cats want? Do cats like their owners? What makes a cat happy? I have learned that cats have glands in their cheeks which excrete chemicals, and so they love to be rubbed there. It is supposedly how they mark their territory. They have a psychological need to be playful and interact with other creatures like humans – at least to some extent. I have read that they prefer to sleep near their owners because it makes them feel safe. That a cat approaches its owner and wants to be near it is proof they enjoy our company.
But for the life of me I struggle to read my cat, Dixie. Sometimes I think she likes me and my family. Other times not so much.
Dogs seem easier to read. They are kind of like men who are more direct and straightforward. Cats are like women. They are harder to read, more indirect, and complicated.
Or at least I suspect cats are more complicated. Maybe they are just less knowable. Perhaps they are just more ambivalent towards humans. Humans are a means to an end: we provide food and warmth. Beyond that, I wonder if cats could take or leave humans in equal measure. Unlike dogs, they don’t really enjoy human company by itself. I suspect this is the case.
But maybe they do. Dixie will sit outside my bedroom door at night while I sleep, if I close it. That must mean something.
Perhaps it just means as a warm-blooded mammal Dixie wants someplace cozy to cuddle up in the middle of the frigid dark night. Dixie does make herself comfortable where we sleep –
– so maybe Dixie is lonely at night? She wants to be with us.
I don’t know.
Dixie can be inscrutable. She is more obviously affectionate than many other cats I have known. That is in her favor.
But still.
Even after many years I cannot read my cat, Dixie.
I suspect many “cat people” – ie. the lonely unmarried woman with her cat – project a lot of their own neediness onto their pet. Maybe that says more about them than the cat.
I just don’t know.
And I suspect I never will.
Dixie is hard to read. And I wonder if what goes on in her brain is even worth looking at too closely.
I go in circles with this.
Dixie would happily eat the food I dish out to her across years, and sleep near me nightly.
But then if she could, and had the chance, she might eat me, if she were big and strong enough, and hungry. Cats are hunters. They are killers.
But humans are, too? Of course they are.
But most humans can have an earned sense of trust and loyalty. Dogs, too. With respect to cats I am not too sure.
But I know my daughters – the younger one, in particular – would be devastated if and when Dixie dies. And I strongly suspect Dixie’s world would be ROCKED if she were given to some other owners in a strange new home.
During the pandemic a few years ago, Dixie left the house and was gone for a few days. I found her outside our front door late one night. Unless I am badly mistaken she was traumatized and scared when I picked her up, kissed her, and brought her safely inside the warmth of our house. Dixie has not wanted to explore far from our house since. She stays close.
So maybe I am overthinking this, as I do many things.
Maybe I should enjoy my cat, insofar as one can enjoy a cat. I should take what Dixie might give myself and my family.
Because I am pretty sure we won’t have other pets after Dixie. The girls will be off to college soon, and the whole point of having pets is for the kids.
But after all this I am still unsure what I think about cats.
They are inscrutable.
What is a cat thinking at any given moment?
Who can say?
