Dear Marty, you Pig Worm Slave Mr Heartburn Slob that slept with me Shit-eating fool Worthless Penis Man Sweetie Darlin' ! I've been burning with hatred, putting up with your crap for months, wanting to hack it off for days now, thinking about the quality of our life, considering murder for a while, and, unable to verbalize my feelings in a manner in which you would understand, put the matter aside until I could conjure up a more focused thought to bear! That moment is now. In a nutshell, you are worthless I hate you you smell real bad all my friends are tired of you hitting on them your taste in music sucks SHAVE DAMNIT! your friends are all worms and losers, like you! I hate that T-shirt! Burn it already! cook with less oil! I feel like a pimple when you squeeze me! why don't you just fucking jog, or something . And another thing, if you ever want to get laid again, if you don't want me to run off with that cute guy from work, if you feel like keeping that thing attached forever, if you ever want to have more success with women while traveling overseas with Rich, If you ever want to evade your nickname 'CHEESEY MARTY,' then you'd better watch it, mister, pay more attention to me, send me some flowers RIGHT NOW, buy me something expensive, IMMEDIATELY, get on your knees and BEG FOR FORGIVENESS, crawl over here and lick my boot, clean up that mess you left in my life, take out the trash, turn down that noise, wash my car, have a dozen roses to my office by tomorrow, stop leaping out of the goddamn closet and freaking me out, or I'll kill you, I swear. I'll run off to Mexico with Eva and Fred. Yes BOTH of them. At once! you'll wish you were burning at the stake I'll never leave you. I'll just come to live with you and torture you until the money runs out I'll sell you into slavery. Not that you'll be any good I'll pass your nuts through a cuisinart . And, finally!, I think that.... . Marty, I hate you I wish you were dead I'm sick of you Just leave me alone Don't ever talk to me again Not if you were the last man on earth... I hope you rot in hell Don't ever try to touch me again . Sincerely, The last woman on earth you will ever have sex with. Your wife Your girlfriend Your Mistress Your ever loving dominator NOT the woman you slept with last night The one presently making a voodoo doll of your pathetic self Gorgeous, free and single.....now at least! Back to Rich Geib's Frequently Answered Questions
I've been burning with hatred, putting up with your crap for months, wanting to hack it off for days now, thinking about the quality of our life, considering murder for a while, and, unable to verbalize my feelings in a manner in which you would understand, put the matter aside until I could conjure up a more focused thought to bear! That moment is now.
In a nutshell, you are worthless I hate you you smell real bad all my friends are tired of you hitting on them your taste in music sucks SHAVE DAMNIT! your friends are all worms and losers, like you! I hate that T-shirt! Burn it already! cook with less oil! I feel like a pimple when you squeeze me! why don't you just fucking jog, or something .
And another thing, if you ever want to get laid again, if you don't want me to run off with that cute guy from work, if you feel like keeping that thing attached forever, if you ever want to have more success with women while traveling overseas with Rich, If you ever want to evade your nickname 'CHEESEY MARTY,' then you'd better watch it, mister, pay more attention to me, send me some flowers RIGHT NOW, buy me something expensive, IMMEDIATELY, get on your knees and BEG FOR FORGIVENESS, crawl over here and lick my boot, clean up that mess you left in my life, take out the trash, turn down that noise, wash my car, have a dozen roses to my office by tomorrow, stop leaping out of the goddamn closet and freaking me out, or I'll kill you, I swear. I'll run off to Mexico with Eva and Fred. Yes BOTH of them. At once! you'll wish you were burning at the stake I'll never leave you. I'll just come to live with you and torture you until the money runs out I'll sell you into slavery. Not that you'll be any good I'll pass your nuts through a cuisinart .
And, finally!, I think that.... .
Marty, I hate you I wish you were dead I'm sick of you Just leave me alone Don't ever talk to me again Not if you were the last man on earth... I hope you rot in hell Don't ever try to touch me again .
Sincerely, The last woman on earth you will ever have sex with. Your wife Your girlfriend Your Mistress Your ever loving dominator NOT the woman you slept with last night The one presently making a voodoo doll of your pathetic self Gorgeous, free and single.....now at least!
